Why Dating Is Ultimately Better In Your 30s Read more: http://www.askmen.com/#ixzz25E970ciK

You may find yourself able to stand out in ways that were never an option in your 20s. You simply have more to work with."

 

The bad news is your 20s are over. The good news is that now you’re in your 30s. When it comes to mingling with members of the opposite sex, these two decades come with competing rulebooks. What worked for you then is probably not working for you now. In fact, what she used to see as your strengths have now become weaknesses. You need to turn your approach inside-out.

The Roaring 20s: Bonding Over Aimlessness

I had a great time in my early 20s. Not only did I somehow manage to date some really beautiful women, but I was blessed with a family that provided me with enough money to do so with a little style. I’m not ashamed to admit that it helped my game since I was still reeling from 10 years in an all-boys school and was trying to navigate my way through college. I wasn’t rocking the name brands just yet, but my jeans fit me well and I had a few shirts that looked good enough for me to walk into the right bars. School was the priority and work was part-time at best. Dating was simpler then, even though at the time I felt like the world was being altered around every decision I made. 

Wrestling with limited responsibility while feeling overwhelmed is something that young men and women bond over and even form relationships upon. In my 20s, we sat around and wondered about the future, griped about the present and distracted ourselves along the way. 

Twenty-something women had less subtly nuanced expectations for how a guy should present himself, and, as guys, we were free to be easygoing optimists. The emphasis was more on being unphased by the impending pressures and less on looking like you had a perfect road map.

In your 20s, cool could still mean “I don’t know, but I don’t care" -- being untethered was the jackpot. Developing comfortable dialogue with women was all about being in the shared moment. There was something about that sense of discovery in life and mutual fear of the unknown that served as the best way to connect. Being in the moment was the ultimate way to make a girl notice you. 

But when you're in your 30s, circumstances drastically change. They're only recognizable in that they’re the complete opposite of what used to work.

The Post-30 Standard: Driven Is The New Sexy

I’ve had two serious girlfriends and many less-serious girlfriends in between. I’m pretty much certain that, looking back, neither of the serious ones would date the guy that I was back then now that they’re in their 30s. In fact, I recall with stark clarity trying to impress an old girlfriend with a patented college move of buying a round of shots, only to be met with a look of slight disappointment that I was still up to my old tricks.

Somewhere after being a student ends and being a man begins, we shift our focus. Suddenly, the guy who is still figuring things out at 30 feels more awkward than sought after in dinner party conversation or casual bar banter. 

If I am introduced to a woman at a party or at a bar through common friends, it takes only a couple of questions before we are discussing what we do for a living. Just like that, my long-term prospects are on the table -- and make no mistake, my prospects play into my attractiveness. It’s not that women are looking for money, but at a certain point, security starts to look sexy. 

The cards we play have changed, and the strongest hand at the table in this new game has nothing to do with bluffing. You need to have something to show. It’s not about money (although that certainly makes things a little easier), but rather, it’s about conveying you have momentum. You can be the financial hero of the biggest firm or an aspiring actor, but you need to make sure you’re sending out real passion or drive with some direction to boot. While in your 20s, you could sidle up next to a girl with little more than charisma to offer, your 30s require a little more of what was ultimately inconsequential back in the good ol’ days.

There's More To Life Than Acting Nonchalant

I know most of this boils down to confidence, and a lot of people will say, “Just go talk to women.” Ugh. Look. Not everyone is equipped to do that. And those who are already know most of this. The point is that confidence comes from knowing where you are and what you bring to the table, and owning it. In your 30s, you may find yourself able to stand out in ways that were never an option in your 20s. You simply have more to work with. And, if you have a good grasp of what your strengths are when you’re out there, that leads to looking comfortable in your skin. From where I am sitting, that’s just easier in your 30s.

Read more: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/dating-in-your-thirties.html#ixzz25E8nqvdz

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